Cat People
HORROR-THON 2022 • HOUSE PARTY
-10/10
DIRECTOR: Paul Schrader
STARRING: Natassja Kinski, Malcom McDowell, John Heard
RELEASED: 1982
RUNTIME: 1 hour, 58 minutes
WATCH ON: Amazon, Apple TV
SCARE LEVEL: Zero. Discomfort level - maximum.
BOWIE SONG: Only good part.
For Horror-Thon 2020, I watched the 1942 Cat People and enjoyed it. The shadows, the restraint, and the scare built out of a bus. So when I saw the remake was part of Criterion Channel’s 2022 Halloween streaming selections, I was in.
This is by far one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, despite what others may say.
Irena comes to New Orleans to meet her long-lost brother, Paul. Paul has bad news: they come from a bloodline that turns into black leopards when they sleep with a human.
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The only way to change back is to kill, so naturally, the only “safe” partner for Irena, he explains, is him.
Yes. Him. Her brother.
Irena is not into that plan. She falls for Oliver, a zoo curator played by John Heard. That’s Kevin McAllister’s dad from Home Alone. Their relationship goes about as well as you’d expect from a woman who’s worried about turning into a leopard.
MY HUMBLE OPINION
The 1942 original suggests everything and shows you nothing. This version shows you everything and says nothing. There’s a lot of nudity, a lot of leopard, and a lot of slow starting.
I’m not interested in watching Kevin McAllister’s dad sleeping with a woman who’s turning into a cat. Nobody asked for that. Then there is the incest subplot, which the movie treats like a dark, sexy secret instead of the dealbreaker it is.
The one thing it has going for it is David Bowie’s theme song, “Cat People (Putting Out Fire).” Save yourself two hours and just listen to the song.
FUN FACT FOR YOUR NEXT DINNER PARTY
The producer, Wilbur Stark, purchased the rights to the RKO library, intending to redo their horror classics with Universal Pictures. The relative failure of Cat People and The Thing put a stop to any future remake plans.