Massacre at Central High
HORROR-THON 2023 • IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD
6/10
DIRECTOR: Rene Daalder
STARRING: Derrel Maury, Andrew Stevens, Robert Carradine
RELEASED: 1976
RUNTIME: 1 hour, 27 minutes
WATCH ON: Tubi, Plex, Midnight Pulp, Fandor, Amazon, Fandango at Home
SCARE LEVEL: Low. More mean than scary.
HANG GLIDING SAFETY: Questionable.
This is the most ‘70s a movie could ever ‘70s. There’s feathered hair, a custom van, soft-focused California sunshine, and wide collars as far as the eye can see. It’s less a movie than a time capsule someone buried in a parking lot.
David is the new kid at Central High. His old friend Mark gives him the rules right away: three bullies run the school, and the smart move is to stay on the good side. David doesn’t. He steps in to stop them, and they crush his legs in revenge.
Then the bullies start dying in “accidents.” The outcasts of Central High finally get some breathing room. It doesn’t last, because the kids who used to be victims start grabbing for power, and David keeps cleaning house.
MY HUMBLE OPINION
I have so many plot questions about this movie that I can’t even call them MacGuffins because they aren’t. There’s no clever device driving things forward. Things just happen, and nobody explains why.
There’s also a lot of nudity for the sake of nudity. It adds nothing.
But I have to give it this: the use of hang gliding is utterly hilarious. Please watch the hang glider scene. I can’t explain it. I can only tell you it exists, and I laughed out loud.
Fun fact: Robert Carradine is in this, years before Revenge of the Nerds.
I honestly never want to watch this again.
FUN FACT FOR YOUR NEXT DINNER PARTY
Roger Ebert loved this movie, calling it a very effective sleeper and one of the best movies of 1976. He’s the only critic who liked it that much. He unfortunately missed the similarities and inspiration Central High had on Heathers, which he criticized for a callous tone and offensive satire, and rated 2 and a half stars.