The 2022 lineup was a party, and most of it happened in houses you should never enter. There’s a country house that eats schoolgirls, a Boston fixer-upper with something in the basement, a carnival funhouse, and a sleepover where the pizza guy doesn’t make it. Dario Argento brought two witch movies and a soundtrack worth the ticket alone. Michael Myers returned home for an entire trilogy, start to finish. Eleven movies, scored anywhere from a perfect 10 to a negative infinity. Come on in, but don’t go in the basement.
THIS YEAR’S SELECTIONS
THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY
THE FUNHOUSE
HALLOWEEN KILLS
7/10
Lucio Fulci • 1981
HOUSE
10/10
Nobuhiko Obayashi • 1977
6/10
Tobe Hooper • 1981
8/10
David Gordon Green • 2021
HALLOWEEN
SUSPIRIA
HALLOWEEN ENDS
7.5/10
David Gordon Green •
2018
SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE
9/10
Amy Holden Jones • 1982
10/10
Dario Argento • 1977
6/10
David Gordon Green • 2022
THE INVISIBLE MAN
8/10
James Whale • 1933
INFERNO
9/10
Dario Argento • 1980
CAT PEOPLE
-100/10
Paul Schrader • 1982
THEY’RE HERE AWARDS
Six movies walked in, and a few walked out with awards. Some earned theirs with a body count, some with costume, and one with a single scream into the night sky. These are the official They’re Here Awards, presented live from a farmhouse with the windows boarded up.
THE PERFECT 10 CLUB
HOUSE & SUSPIRIA
BEST LIFE ADVICE
BEST SCORE, NO NOTES
SUSPIRIA
One of the greatest horror scores of all time
CATS COMMITTING MURDER
(LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT)
INFERNO
SMARTEST SNACK DECISION
SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE
BEST ACCIDENTAL
BUDDY COMEDY
HALLOWEEN ENDS
Michael + Corey = BBFs
WORST OF THE YEAR
CAT PEOPLE
THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY
If a child named Bob tells you not to go somewhere, you just…don’t.
MOST DANGEROUS HOUSE PET
BLANCHE, HOUSE
FINAL RANKINGS
1
9
3
4
5
6
7
10
11
9
8
7.5
7
6
6
-10
SUSPIRIA (1977)
2
8
10
9
8
10
HOUSE (1977)
INFERNO (1980)
SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE (1982)
THE INVISIBLE MAN (1933)
HALLOWEEN KILLS (2021)
HALLOWEEN (2018)
THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY (1981)
HALLOWEEN ENDS (2022)
THE FUNHOUSE (1981)
CAT PEOPLE (1982)
Best to Worst
KEEP WATCHING
One year was never going to be enough. There is plenty more Horror-Thon to explore. Zombies, Michael Myers, demonic house cats, and more B-horror movies than you knew existed.