Every movie in the 2025 lineup has a family problem. Michael Myers spends two whole sequels chasing his 8-year-old niece across Haddonfield. Norman Bates lives with his mother, and his mother does not like visitors. An American diplomat adopts a baby without reading the fine print, and the fine print is the devil. Count Orlok arrives in a coffin full of rats and wants exactly one thing from the neighbors. And Sister Gertrude, a nun with a morphine habit, is the convent’s least favorite sister. Six movies, one shared lesson. You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your uncle.
THIS YEAR’S SELECTIONS
KILLER NUN
5/10
Giulio Berruti • 1979
NOSFERATU
7/10
F.W. Murnau • 1922
PSYCHO
10/10
Alfred Hitchcock • 1960
HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS
6/10
Dominique Othenin-Girard • 1989
HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS
6/10
Dwight H. Little • 1988
THE OMEN
9/10
Richard Donner • 1976
the bad blood awards
Six movies, six trophies, and not one family reunion I’d attend. Some winners earned theirs with a body count, some with a shower, and one with a nanny on a roof. These are the official Bad Blood Awards, mailed to every family member, with no return address.
THE PERFECT 10 CLUB
PSYCHO
THE “BAD BLOOD” AWARD
MICHAEL MYERS, HALLOWEEN 4 and 5
Two movies spent hunting his own niece. Nobody tell him about family therapy.
WORST ADOPTION
THE THORNS, THE OMEN
Always read the paperwork, and never take a baby from a priest who is in a hurry.
BABYSITTER OF THE YEAR
RACHAEL, HALLOWEEN 4
She’s got a cheating boyfriend, a homicidal foster uncle, and she still keeps Jamie alive. Pay that girl.
WORST SOUND DESIGN DECISION
HALLOWEEN 5
The deputies’ clown horns. When did this become a circus?
MAMA’S BOY OF THE YEAR
NORMAN BATES, PSYCHO
A devoted son who runs the family business and never forgets his mother. Maybe don’t book a room.
WORST BEDSIDE MANNER
SISTER GERTRUDE, KILLER NUN
She stomps on dentures, steals from patients, and well, just get a second opinion.
MOST LIKELY TO MAKE SOMEONE RE-THINK THEIR CAREER
COUNT ORLOK, NOSFERATU
He brought his own coffin to a closing.
FINAL RANKINGS
1
3
4
5
6
7
PSYCHO
2
6
9
5
5
10
THE OMEN
NOSFERATU
HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS
HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS
KILLER NUN
Best to Worst
KEEP WATCHING
One year was never going to be enough. There is plenty more Horror-Thon to explore. Zombies, Michael Myers, demonic house cats, and more B-horror movies than you knew existed.